Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

Now boys and girls, as you may or may not know, way back in 1937, Walt Disney produced his first animated feature film and in the almost eighty years that have succeeded this, 53 other fun loving family friendly films have been added to the 'animated classics' library. As you can see above, my lifelong goal of collecting every single chapter is almost complete (The task made all the more tricky by ruling that each DVD must be the edition released with a yellow numbered oval on the spine) Now, we all have our favourites don't we. The majority are adored by children and adults alike worldwide. However, for every Frozen we have a Saludos Amigos. For every The Lion King we have a Home on the Range. Now dear readers, I am no fool. I will not doubt the genius of Walter Elias Disney and argue what is deemed to be a classic and what is not. This is mainly due to the fact that of the 54 Disney Classics that exist at the time of writing, at least 25 of these remain unseen. Until now...


Once upon a time in a cold and snowy town, not far from the bluest of rivers, a young girl named Toner invited her good friend Adam around to her palace. Upon arrival, after a feast of Portuguese chicken, Toner and Adam set out on a journey that would make the next twelve months the most colourful and bright that they had ever seen...

Our journey begins in a magical kingdom in 1937. The first chapter of Disney's vast back-catalogue of stories takes us to the world of a poorly drawn princess and her seven questionably nosed friends. I won't be as crude as to put it in black and white but watch it again. You won't see a dwarf's nose in the same way again. It turns out that despite being the first of the now famous 'Disney Princesses' and an idol to little girls everywhere, Snow White is a bit of a bitch.

 'Oh, I'll just let myself into this house and clean everything' 

'Oh, I'll just sleep on three peoples beds'

 'Oh, I'll just walk into their happy lives and make them wash and eat healthy' 

 And even if that could all be forgiven, after Snow 'dies' and the dwarfs work through their emotional distress to hand craft a gold and glass coffin for this girl (whom they met just yesterday may I add), upon her reincarnation, all they get is a happy goodbye and a flick of the bird. Off she rides with the prince. Bitch.

So to a segment that you will grow to love, the Hidden Hero of the film. We have now realised that Snow White does not deserve her eponymous role. Six of the seven dwarfs are instantly forgettable and Dopey is too stupid to deserve the award. Therefore, the award of the inaugural Hidden Hero goes to this guy -

For his undying commitment to trying to get places on time despite knowing deep down that he won't meet the intended target. Congratulations tiny turtle. You will take some beating as my favourite Disney character.