Pinocchio

Now children, chapter two of our long and winding road of animated nostalgia takes us to Italy and tells us the tale of Pinocchio or as it should be known, 'The Tale of Jiminy Cricket and the Stupid Wooden Boy Who Gets Into Unnecessary Trouble.'

We all know the story - Old Italian man makes poor life choices, ends up old and childless, does what any of us would do and makes himself a wooden child and wishes that the child was real. Fairy is listening, wish comes true, old Italian man is left with a regrettable burden.

For the second time running, it turns out that our titular character is just a bit of a knob. Granted, he literally was born yesterday but we can't excuse his stupidity in running off with a singing fox not once but twice. Sorry Pinoch. You were even outshone by a cricket. A wisecracking cricket granted but still Pinoch. Up your game.

The highlights of this solid 2/10? The music. We all know When You Wish Upon a Star is a timeless classic but the flood of nostalgia when out good pal Pinoch sings about his lack of strings is unbeatable.

So if Pinocchio isn't our hero, who is there to fill the void. Jiminy Cricket? Seems the obvious choice doesn't it. Old Italian Man? He's as stupid as Pinocchio if you ask me. Nope. There is only one winner.

Figaro the cat. She spends the entire film being kicked around and hated upon by Old Italian Man and is ultimately replaced by Pinocchio. Yet, this absolute hero of a cat still finds it in himself to go hunting for this wooden boy who stupidly got himself lost, despite leaving him stranded inside a whale. This brings me to a major plot hole in this tale. Could a man, a cat and a fish all survive inside a whale who is sitting on the bottom of the ocean?

What do you think Figaro, sound believable to you?