Now I know what you are going to say. Yes, it has been a while. A full year to be exact. Perhaps that is too long to keep your viewers hanging on. Perhaps you will think otherwise after the upcoming glorious reviews of a childhood favourite of many an adult out there.
Yes, we're back.
Get yourself a cuppa, sit back and enjoy five minutes of someone else talking about a film that you could just as easily sit and watch yourself. It's time for Disney Rascal's presents -
It's Bambi time. The tale of a small deer and *spoiler alert* the saddest moment in Disney history.
Our first challenge, getting through the opening credits. Those that have watched early Disney Classics will know that the credits that you normally find at the end of films actually run through colourful animations before the story even begins. And boy do they go on.
After a full seven minutes of the names of people that used to draw deer, the action does not exactly kick on. The first ten minutes of Bambi is a new born Bambi walking through the forest to different woodland creatures saying 'Good Morning Young Prince'.
It get's old.
Fast.
Finally, one of Walt's apparent finest creation's kicks into gear when we meet Bambi's new BFF. A young hoodlum rabbit called Thumper. Better not hang out with him Bambi, he looks like trouble with all his answering back to his mother and playing away from his nameless brothers and sisters. He even eats the flowers that he isn't supposed to. Come on Thumper. Make better choices.
Bet Bambi's Mum isn't too pleased with the crowd that her young Prince has fallen into. I suppose that's just another Disney tale of a broken home for you.
Mother Deer clearly likes a bit of danger though. After a big ol' chat about how the nearby meadow is super dangerous and that Bambi shouldn't go there until he's older, for some reason we walk immediately there and play around.
Now let's hop back to that Bambi is a boy shock. At this point I feel like I have definitely never watched this film as Bambi has just met a young love interest. A female deer. Yeah. Pretty obvious.
In another blow for Mother Deer's parenting skills, in response to Bambi asking who his father is, she point's to the Great Prince Deer of the Forest. A large stag who is clearly responsible for all the young deer in the forest. #Player.
Bambi head's off into the forest with his newly found Father and suddenly Walt Disney decides he wants to turn all high and mighty. Who is destroying the forest asks young Bambi. The Prince responds with a gruff "MAN"
Fade to black.
Take that early 1940's forest workmen.
Then we get to the talking point of the whole film. Mother Deer say's something along the lines of "Let's go back to that meadow that we mentioned earlier. Now I know I said it was dangerous but we were fine last time so YOLO."
Famous last words.
Now I would give you another spoiler alert here but come on. It's 75 years old. If you haven't watched it by now, you probably won't
Bambi's Mum gets shot by a hunter. It's all very quick and barely a minute later, big Prince Deer is towering over Bambi telling him his Mum is gone. Great. Bit of an anti-climax that one.
Fade to black again. Disney loves a moody dramatic feel in his films doesn't he!
When we return, we now have teenage Bambi returning to his home town like American Pie 3. All his friends pop out and we have a glorious reunion. Cue shock number 2. Flower the skunk is a boy as well?! Everything I know about Disney at this point is being thrown into disregard.
Suddenly, the old man owl from the very beginning is back on the scene and he has some wise words for teenage Bambi and his chums. Not before he delivers the one liner of the entire Disney vault so far with a simple "I was talking to myself the other day and we wondered what had become of you". Glorious.
However, humour swiftly turns to warning as Old Man Owl tells our now teenaged tearaways that they need to beware. They must be on the lookout as they do not want to become Twitterpated.
"IT COULD COME FROM ANYWHERE!" he exclaims.
What is this word I hear you ask? It soon becomes apparent that Twitterpated means to catch the eye of a young female and fall in love. A terrible disease. However, our heroes are all teenage boys. They don't care for women. It surely won't happen to them.
Within two minutes, all are in love.
Now this should be our happy ending but suddenly Bambi's girlfriend Pauline has a secret. Bambi is not her first and her emo ex boyfriend is suddenly back on the scene to win back her affections.
It's a kids film, obviously the hero wins this fight pretty simply and wins the affections of Pauline and everyone is happy.
BUT THEN!!
Big Prince Deer arrives as if from nowhere. Bambi mate, Man is back and you remember what happened last time. Cue mass panic around the forest. Animals run for cover in all directions. Man not happy that all their potential food is running away decides to set fire to the forest. (Note: I can only assume it was fire, clearly 1942 was a bit too early for realistic fire animation)
Bambi doesn't quite make it and takes a shot to the chest. What? Bambi dies too, don't remember this?
Nope. In a magical turn of events, Big Prince John pulls a Taller Ghost Walt and towers over the dying Bambi and tells him he has work to do. Suddenly, just like John Locke, Bambi recovers from a gunshot wound in moments and all is well with the world. Clearly the writers of Lost watched a little too much Disney as children.
The aforementioned work that the Prince mentioned was to get busy with Pauline. We need a new prince. In true Disney fashion, we go full circle and end with a new Prince for Bambi II, which I can only assume actually exists.
After growing to love Bambi throughout the film, the ending shows him for what he truly is. He is a man now and has no time for his woman, even during childbirth. He just watches down from above. Probably has some pretty important Great Prince duties to attend to.
And that is that. Our fifth Disney Animated Classic.
Only 50 more to go...
Next up: Saludos Amigos.
Fantastic...
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